No! We DO Have a Right to Expect More!

Response to “When a Rabbi Misbehaves”

Dear Itty,

You wrote in your article “When a Rabbi Misbehaves” that it is up to me not to get affected when I see a role model doing something wrong. You wrote that I could use my free choice to move forward and keep doing good things in my own life.

I think you are missing a very important point in your article; the part about taking responsibility for the wrong that was done.  We can’t just keep brushing things under the rug.

They say there are three things that affect a person. Wine will make one drunk, money will corrupt and Chassidus will refine. If you don’t see the expected results of one of the mentioned substances you need to up the dose. 

When I see a person who spends so much time learning and teaching Chassidus I expect to see some kind of refinement. I expect to have a role model that is modeling behavior meant for me to emulate. If he does not want to behave in a refined manner he should quit his position. 

Although a Rabbi has free choice, he does not have the option to behave badly. Tanya explains that free choice for a Beinuni is something completely different. The battle never ends but it does become a more refined battle.  He has to choose between good and better things, not grubbeh aveiros like stealing.

Take as an example the story of Reb...  He spent a full night battling with himself over where to give his Tzedaka. Should it all go to a poor Kallah, or would it make a greater impact if distributed among the poor. He spent hours trying to figure out which was his yetzer tov and which his yetzer hara. Now that’s a Chassidishe battle!

So when I see a Rabbi who teaches Chassidus doing something I think is not Chassidish isn't it my responsibility to make sure someone is taking care of it?! I mean, am I meant to just let it go? How can I let corruption and two faced behavior happen in my community? What will happen to the education of our children and teenagers? Doesn't someone have to do something about it?

These are important questions. What should my response be to the wrong that was done?

Sincerely, Your still confused and skeptical side.

                            

               
Dear Skeptiself,

Here’s a thought:

Preceding the beginning of our work as a nation, before we even got our instructions, there were two battles we had to face. There was something about combat we needed to learn first.

The totally weird thing though, is that we got opposite instructions for each one.  

When chased by Paraoh we were told to completely disregard the enemy and move forward. We were even discouraged from prayer! Just be silent and keep moving forward. 

During the second battle we were told to fight the Amaleiki nation until we annihilate them completely. What is with that?  How am I supposed to understand anything from that? When faced with an enemy should I fight or should I ignore?

Perhaps before responding to any threat we need to be very much aware about which category the enemy falls into.

 If something is standing in your way right there between you and your mission (and you cannot reach your mission with this threat in your way) Hashem says (and I paraphrase) “If you want to get closer to me you will have to take out your sword and fight to clear your way here.”

 If I want to write a book to teach the world about Shabbos I am going to be faced with enemies. If the enemy is tiredness, apathy, or my preference for endless games of solitaire I need to take out my swords and say “Be gone! I will not lose to tiredness. I will not waste another 129 seconds to another game of solitaire. Book, here I come to write you!” I need to put pen to paper and chug out those words until I get through. Amalek was literally standing in between us and our work. There was no way around them so the instruction was to fight to the end.

But what’s up with Paraoh? How should I respond to the enemies that stand not in my way, but you know… all around me. What am I supposed to do about them? If my community celebrities are arguing, if my neighbor eats MSG, if an article on the web offends my opinion, what should my response be? Call in the troops? Write a negative comment? Spend energy feeling indignant?

Do I need to take responsibility? Should I make sure the matter is taken care of; every matter, everywhere? Will my effort accomplish something good? Is Hashem looking for my help here?

Regarding your question; the Beinuni you know is showing the world a non Beinuni side. Is this your holy battle? Is it standing between you and the book you are writing, the Tzedaka you are giving, the Chassidim you are raising? Or is it perhaps a Paraoh trying to steal your energy from the above mentioned G-dly projects? (Not to mention as so many correctly pointed out; do you really want to lose your energy trying to evaluate something you know nothing about? Is it true, is it made up, great soul, little soul, lots of Chassidus, not so much, Emes, Pnimius, truly evil, seeming evil, rumors… you might not want to go there.)

Here is an idea:       

Show the Chassidim you are raising how to stay focused. Show them how Tatty and Mommy or Morah keep creating more light. 

Show them that one family trip to the nursing home can bring so many smiles that Hashem cries tears of joy because of how deeply you touched him. 

Show them how to stay in the light so that they don’t even notice the darkness. And yes, darkness does go away on its own (when we do good).

One more point. Have you heard the concept “Sur Meira Ve’asei Tov”? Have you ever thought about why is says to turn away from bad, and it does not say to fight it?

Maybe it is time to take that to heart and turn away. It might take more effort at first to actively turn away, ignore, not let in the distractions, but it gets easier. Before you know it there is so much light around you that the dark can’t even touch you. Before you know it you've dragged more people into your light. Be a lamp that people come close to. 

I’d love to stay and chat forever, but I need to go back now and keep writing my book about Shabbos.  See you at the nursing home!  

Love, Itty Kay

When a Rabbi Misbehaves:

What to do when a role model you trusted 

rolls in an unexpected way

             You will not find a more skeptical group of people if you turn the world over. Have you ever tried to sell something to a Jew? The moment we saw G-d on Mount Sinai, we already turned around and said "Yes, but…" and we haven't stopped questioning. Not for a day.

            We are a stiff-necked people, yet he chose us. We whine and complain and take him for granted. We demand and question and ignore his requests. We turn against him. Yet, he chose us and chooses us anew every moment. He wouldn't have it any other way.

            And he is still waiting for each of us to choose him back.

            Hashem saw our souls and saw that if we only had the opportunity to choose him freely, we would be able to become one. He created an entire world and all of these distractions so that we can have free choice, and then see beyond it and choose him.

            So that Rabbi you trusted went and did something you know is immoral. He stole money, he eats too much, whatever. Are you going to use that as an excuse to be let down? To question everything he taught you? Are you going to use that to condemn his community and his nation?

            The fact that he did what he did proves the truth of what he taught you all along; we all have free choice.

            We have free choice that is non-negotiable. It does not go away when you learn more, and it does not go away based on the kind of lifestyle you choose. You can learn about G-d so that you can almost see him… and you can still choose to go against him.

            Every moment of every day of your life until the day you die you are faced with open options between which you get to choose freely.

            No matter what you see, and no matter what you read, no matter what you hear or learn or experience; no matter what anyone around you does, your free choice can never be taken away. Not even if G-d speaks to you himself. Not even if you are a Rabbi.

            When I see a teacher or role-model misbehaving, it doesn't scare me and it doesn't derail me. It just makes me feel sad. I feel sad that the person in question is going through a tough spell, but not so sad because I know it is just a step in the learning process.

            Yup, I am confident that it is part of a process just like everything is. We are all going through the process of finding the creator and serving him, and a process of learning to get progressively less attached to the superficial layers of reality and less distracted by them.

            Sometimes it takes a real interaction with temptation to realize how void it is. The interaction is always temporary, and when you get over it, when you learn the lesson, it weakens the layer of illusion for the whole world. The attachment to illusion gets weakened the world over and G-d is that much easier to find.

            So the rabbi you trusted went and did something you know isn't right. He was caught smuggling drugs or exotic animals, whatever. Are you going to use that as an excuse to be let down? What are you going to do in response? Are you going to grab onto that to attach yourself to illusion too?

            We have free choice and life's tough. We are a skeptical, stiff-necked people and we've held onto the thing we know for certain is true for over three thousand years.

            On the whole we are getting closer and closer to a time when the bond will be simply too great to ignore anymore. Time is running out. Get with the program while the choice is still yours.