חלקי הוי' אמרה נפשׁי

My chosen one is Havaya

 Says my soul 

Where are you soul?

And if you want Havaya what is stopping you?

Havaya is yours. 

And I am here.

Why the angst,

Why complicated longing,

And desperate foreign infatuations?

Why the all consuming contradictory feelings?

Why do you pull me away?

And then to seek 

And find again,

So that I feel safe and happy and joyful.

And then away

In a different direction?

I am confused.

My soul, do you seek Havaya?

I'd feel happier if I found peace.

Peace and contentment sprinkled with glimmers of joy.

I've felt that way before, why does it give way?

What does it feel like to be Havaya?

Are you Peace?

Or are you Longing?

Is there no escape from longing because Desire is who you are?

But there is peace.

There is peace in our togetherness.

Peace in the moment I say  "ה' שפָתַי תִּפְתָּח"

And mean it.

And surrender to you.

And trust you hear my words and have taken over.

There is peace when I sing תְּהִלָּתֶךָ.

Because in that moment you are Peace.

You are your Desire,

Received.

For a moment.

A moment.